Long before true tantric practice - sex used purely
as a meditation technique - a tantrika's journey often begins with
noticing unwarranted, unintelligent cultural interference in the
sex lives of individuals. These include social customs, taboos on
who should/should not make love to who, prohibitions or other control
of public nudity, dancing, celebration and other expressions of bliss.
There's a dangerous tendency to get into a reaction
rather than a response.
Reactivity in this area has been perfectly expressed
by the Marquis de Sade. The Church told him that his sexuality was
evil, that it was an indication of deep depravity, of evil, ugliness,
filth. He was honest enough to acknowledge that his sexuality was
indeed part of him, deeply rooted. His reactive logic then led him
straight to the conclusion, the twisted realisation: I am evil. Beyond
any redemption. This sex thing is in me, to my very roots. Hence
it is appropriate for me to indulge myself with the ugly, the filthy.
Being what they call "depraved" is to live closer to my
true nature.
He was Reactive and ugly in expression. Like Bill,
in Quentin Tarantino's "Kill
Bill", he "may have over reacted".
His life was an eloquent
comment on the effects of the Church's hypocrisy and repression
of love in the practical sense. It was also twisted and ugly almost
beyond comprehension. Stupid reactivity, not intelligent rebelliousness.
Look within for what of the culture's way has rooted
in you. What are the sexual judgments you've taken on? What do you
call "right action" and "wrong action"? Do you think you can really
discern "right" from "wrong"? What's "normal? or kinky, perverse,
sinful, wicked? Most importantly, what you feel drawn to that
you perversely resist? Have you been reactive, or intelligently
rebellious?
The effects of the cultural (includes parenting) influence
on your sexuality - explore what they are. Is it OK to be aroused,
lubricating, flowering if you're a woman, erect if you're a man?
Where and when is it not OK? Take a good long look at your body in
a full length mirror. What views, what judgments do you hold over
it? What bits are good? which are bad? and - why? Inquire deeply.
Not of others. Inquire within. Find your intuition.
If your eroticism seems a closed book to you, either
numbed, jaded or repressed beyond your conscious reach, there's a
simple yet powerful technique,
a launch pad to your erotic awareness first described by the Marquis
himself:
The Marquis' Perversity Test
Get into a Mediaeval frame of mind: Sex is the tool
of the Devil, tempting you to fall into an all too describably horrible
hell. Everyone in you village confesses to the local Priest, who
lets you know, in no uncertain terms where the line of morality lies.
Now, in this frame of mind, become a good, upstanding member of the
community, so good and upstanding that the irony of being described
as an "upstanding member" goes quite over your head. No humour allowed.
For the purposes of this stage of the exercise, sex is a very serious
issue - and it's not allowed. Insist on this strongly. Really make
a good, honest attempt at it, squash your sexuality, wherever it
peeks out, do your level best to be what an olden times, or Opus
Dei Priest nowadays, would call "pure of thought, word and deed".
No wanking. Shun any sexual impulse, ban it from your consciousness,Suppress
Suppress Suppress. Mean it.
The Marquis says do it for 2 weeks. We modern people
move and live faster (OK, except in Cape Town and India) and generally
3 to 7 days is enough, and all we can stand without rupturing something.
When the decided time has passed, get comfortable
in your favourite chair, maybe with your favourite social drug, a
Martini, cigar, whatever, and relax. Let the relaxation go deep.
Particularly relax the tension you've been holding in relation to
your sexuality. Deeply and consciously give yourself permission to
feel and be aware of, alert to your sexuality, your desires, uncensored
at last. Put your sexual mind back online and let it into your awareness.
What the Marquis says is then to: Go immediately and
do the first, which is your main, perversity immediately.
I'd add a cautionary hint to that. It is not necessary
to experience every fantasy, every erotic notion that you have. Just
a few key ones, taken with great awareness, and many of the lesser
ones just drop away. If a fantasy involves violence and or suffering,
it's quite enough to simulate the fantasy, fake it like a movie,
just suspend disbelief, and really play with it sincerely, deeply,
with awareness.
The point of the exercise is to increase your awareness,
not to indulge your ego. When something is repressed, it is in the
sub-conscious. You are not consciously aware of it. This is the trouble.
It's unknown to you, yet it has significant power in your life. Tantra,
meditation, some drugs, even conventional psychotherapy can bring
the suppressed to awareness. Awareness is the medicine. Just being
aware of what was repressed eventually freesyou from it's grip, it's
hold on you.What you want to do with your awareness of something
revealed: suppress it again, or explore it to its roots, is naturally
up to you.
My recommendation is: Pay great attention to what you've
revealed to yourself through the exercise. See if you can glimpse
the childhood event, perhaps a traumatic moment that resonates with
the current erotic highlight. If you can play with it consciously
(no consciousness-lowering drugs, particularly alcohol, prescription
downers and anti-depressants) your fantasy can be the key to healing
the trauma - you revisit it and accept it, renounce your original
refusal of it. Love the part of yourself that you judged, integrate
it once again into your being.
Recommended pages at meditate.co.za:
Associations vs Reality :::
The Mind :::
Clearing
At this stage on the path, group work is useful, allowing
you to benefit from the shared experiences of others, and the discovery
that what you feel are your own dark, very private, secrets are a
lot less special, unique, that you'd thought. Great for developing/exploring
your level of awareness, openness.
Active meditations, especially Osho's
Kundalini Meditation are of great use at this stage. osho.co.za ,
osho.com and our events
page list
venues where this happens in South
Africa, around
the world, and
at our venue.
